Dear T.I.P.S.: I want my ten-year-old daughter to spend her non-school time wisely, but she watches too more TV than the 1 ½ hours per day I’d prefer. She is a Girl Scout, plays lassie league in the spring/summer, reads, and plays on the computer. She’s already interested in shaving her legs and playing with my make-up, so I'm worried that if I don't keep her busy, she'll focus too much on the boys. Any suggestions for how I can shift her TV time to something more enriching? - - Carille from Leominster, MA

Dear Carille: You are wise to limit your daughter’s TV watching to a couple of hours each day. It’s a difficult limit to stick to, but if parents can establish this habit early on, it’s easier. Selective TV watching prevents children (and adults) from turning into couch potatoes with withered brain cells.

It also sounds like your daughter is already involved in some enriching activities. Just watch about YOUR motives, because it’s easy for schedules to spin out of control. Many parents live in their cars and have forgotten what their spouse looks like, so I’d like to use your letter as an excuse to address this problem further.

Parents fall into the over-scheduling trap for variety of reasons. The first motive is the healthiest and the last is the most damaging:

To determine whether your family’s schedule needs scaled back, ask, "Does my child want to do all these activities or do I want them to?" When parents register children for activities without asking children first, it’s a huge red flag that parents need to back off. If children want to do everything, think "moderation" and remember that responsible parents do not give children everything they want.

The reality is that when anyone adds too many kettles to the fire, they are bound to get burned out. Over-scheduling often affects children’s schoolwork, quality family time and increases the stress levels of the children and parents involved. The long term result of over-scheduling is a generation of stressed-out workaholics who don’t know how to set priorities, say "no," focus on one task, and have balance in their lives. What? WE are part of a generation of stressed-out workaholics? Then we need to break the cycle.

Children need "down time" as much as adults do. They need time to play and just be a kid – even teens. Will they get bored? Probably. But they need to learn how to use their imaginations to handle boredom creatively and responsibly.

To regain control of your family life and reduce scheduling stress, establish a policy of two activities per season. Have children rotate seasonal activities or reach one goal, then strive for another. Also, families need time together when they aren’t eating, driving or discussing schedules and life-changing issues. Weekly family time is one activity worth scheduling.

Setting limits on activities teaches children important skills and values that benefit them as adults. They learn how to budget their time and responsibilities and to handle disappointment. These children know how to set priorities and concentrate on doing their best at a few chosen activities. Rarely are activities "once in a lifetime" opportunities. Usually, there is a time and season for every activity. We and our children just need to pace ourselves, instead of racing to do everything all at once.

Jody Johnston Pawel is a Licensed Social Worker, Certified Family Life Educator, second-generation parent educator, founder of The Family Network, and President of Parents Toolshop Consulting. She is the author of 100+ parent education resources, including her award-winning book, The Parent's Toolshop. For 25+ years, Jody has trained parents and family professionals through her dynamic workshops and interviews with the media worldwide, including Parents and Working Mother magazines, and the Ident-a-Kid television series. Jody currently serves as the online parenting expert for Cox Ohio Publishing’s mom-to-mom websites and also serves on the Advisory Board of the National Effective Parenting Initiative.

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