If you like this article, check out the related resources listed below.

Toddlers Do the Most Embarrassing Things

Dear T.I.P.S.:

Honestly, toddlers can do the most embarrassing things in public! My toddler sucks his thumb, picks his nose and runs around with his hand in his diaper. I want to know why toddlers do these things and the best way to handle them. — Malcolm, via the Internet

Dear Malcolm,

You’re right, toddlers can be pretty uninhibited. If we know why they do these things, we can feel more understanding and less embarrassed. If we react in negative ways, these behaviors often become more problematic. If we handle them skillfully, children more quickly learn good manners. So here is some helpful information and suggestions for each.

Thumb Sucking

Why? When infants suckle, it stimulates brain cell development and growth. Suckling also offers children a way to comfort themselves without relying on a person or pacifier, which may not always be available. The biggest problem with long-term thumb sucking is crooked teeth and bites.

Avoid: Put-downs like “quit being a baby” or “grow up” cause children to feel more insecure, which increases the child’s need for comfort, so they suck their thumb more.

Best response: Toddlers can learn other self-comforting techniques, such as rubbing a blanket, petting a stuffed animal or hugging a pillow. They can also learn how to verbally express their needs and do problem solving. In public, use a nonverbal signal to spare children the humiliation of being corrected in public. If thumb-sucking continues beyond age three, have a dentist explain these problems to the child — in a nonjudgmental matter-of-fact way. 

Nose Picking

Why? Nose picking can result from a persistent tickle, dry mucus membranes or dried mucus that children can’t blow out easily. Young children usually haven’t learned or mastered effective nose blowing. It’s difficult for them to resist the urge to do something they know will relieve their irritation but aren’t supposed to do.

Avoid:  It is useless to say “don’t pick your nose” when children have a nose irritation.

Best response: Offer an acceptable solution. Teach children how to use a handkerchief or tissue. They can pick all they want if they use a tissue. They can leave the room for a particularly loud nose blowing session or nose-picking marathon. Parents need to draw the line, however, when it comes to eating the pickings. Serious infections can occur. Anything that comes out of the nose should go in a tissue that goes straight in the trash.

Hands Down the Diaper  

Why? Sometimes, children put their hands in their diaper because they have an irritation or uncomfortable feeling they want to relieve. If the irritation is persistent, so can the children’s attempts to relieve it. Other times, children experience a pleasant relaxing feeling when they touch certain body parts. Fascinated, children can become temporarily preoccupied as they experiment with this phenomenon. When children become so preoccupied that they are unaware of other important happenings or have developed a habit that is so persistent it is distracting to others, parents need to step in.

Avoid shaming the child and drawing more attention to the act. These can escalate the problem.

Best response: Eliminate the possibility that there is a physiological problem or irritation. If the child can understand, explain the facts of their body’s pleasure points. Let children know when and where it is acceptable to experiment with their body’s sensations. When children are in public or it is an otherwise inappropriate setting, give children another object to hold — without saying a word about the self-fondling. This keeps the hands busy, in case such movement is a habit or rhythmic movement for comfort. A nonverbal signal may also be helpful the parent give a reminder without humiliating the child. Parents can also give a choice between stopping the fondling or going to a private room to continue.

By avoiding shame and providing acceptable alternatives toddlers can use to satisfy their urges, children will more quickly learn good manners — and parents can relax a little more in public.

Jody Johnston Pawel is a Licensed Social Worker, Certified Family Life Educator, second-generation parent educator, founder of The Family Network, and President of Parents Toolshop Consulting. She is the author of 100+ parent education resources, including her award-winning book, The Parent's Toolshop. For 25+ years, Jody has trained parents and family professionals through her dynamic workshops and interviews with the media worldwide, including Parents and Working Mother magazines, and the Ident-a-Kid television series. Jody currently serves as the online parenting expert for Cox Ohio Publishing’s mom-to-mom websites and also serves on the Advisory Board of the National Effective Parenting Initiative.

Reprint Guidelines: You may publish/reprint any article from our site for non-commercial purposes in your ezine, website, blog, forum, RSS feed or print publication, as long as it is the entire un-edited article and title and includes the article’s source credit, including the author’s bio and active links as they appear with the article. We also appreciate a quick note/e-mail telling us where you are reprinting the article. To request permission from the author to publish this article in print or for commercial purposes, please complete and send us a Permission to Reprint Form.