I’m tired of hearing people say we need to "tolerate" diversity! I tolerate things that are annoying, like long lines at the amusement park or bad service in a busy restaurant. Diversity is not annoying; it is beautiful and beneficial! I'd like to start a campaign to exchange the word "tolerance" for "appreciation." Wouldn't it have a profound effect say "appreciate diversity" instead?

Our differences are what make us unique and special. Children need to learn this, so my book, "The Parent’s Toolshop: The Universal Blueprint for Building a Healthy Family" (© 2000), has a special section with my Top Ten Tips for teaching children to appreciate diversity:

1. Plan Ahead. We see people every day in our community or the media who are different from us. Children naturally ask questions, but sometimes at awkward times or in embarrassing ways. Tell children they can ask any question or make any comment they want, but they need to whisper it in your ear or wait until you are alone. Allow their curiosity, but explain that some comments can hurt people's feelings.
2. Explain the value of the skill. Everyone benefits from getting along with others, regardless of our differences. By getting to know and appreciate each person’s uniqueness, we avoid prejudice, unfair stereotypes and the problems they provoke.
3. Break the task into smaller steps. Children need to (a) understand the causes of our differences, (b) learn how to overlook differences or use them to enhance relationships, and (c) treat everyone with dignity and respect, even people who seem different.
4. Let children watch. If you are uncomfortable with someone’s differentness, treat them respectfully. Discuss how you came to understand more about the person or the differences and how (or why) you responded as you did. Thoughts are not observable, unless we share them. Sharing our thoughts helps children know how to respond when they have similar thoughts.

5. Let children try. Fine-tune children's skills as situations arise. For example, if children see a child in a wheelchair and ask "Why," offer a simple, factual, accepting explanation. Do not use labels like "handicapped." Physical and mental disabilities are challenges; negative attitudes make them handicaps.
6. Let children do it their way. Encourage children to smile at other children, say "Hello" or befriend them, regardless of their differences. They should not baby a child with a mental or physical challenge, however, as this is demeaning and implies the child is incapable.
7. Offer choices. When differences pose difficulties (they want to play a computer game with a partially blind child or play on a playground with a physically challenged child), teach children to explore options for playing together. They can ask the other child’s parent for suggestions.
8. Work together. Look for or create opportunities to learn and practice acceptance skills. Volunteer together at a mental or physical rehabilitation clinic, attend services of another religion, and visit playgrounds where there are children of diverse backgrounds.
9. Make it child-friendly. Instead of lecturing, use creative ways to teach children values. Read or tell stories that illustrate diversity and ask thought-provoking questions. "How did (character's name) feel when . . .? Why did (character's name) do . . .?" Role-play situations, "What would you do if someone . . .?"
10. Offer encouragement at every step. When children make efforts to be respectful, accepting, and helpful to others (whether or not they are "different"), describe how good that made the other person feel. If they don't talk down to a physically/mentally challenged person or treat them differently, point out how much that person probably appreciated their friendliness. When they control their stares and nonverbal reactions, notice their efforts and the positive effect. Encourage during the early years or stages of the learning process, to reinforce children's efforts. Once these attitudes and behaviors are their natural way of perceiving and treating others, don't point out differences or children's reactions. That would only draw more attention to the differences.

Diversity is a normal part of life. Our beliefs can make differences seem like barriers and our reactions make this mistaken belief come true. The more normal we make diversity, the less different it seems.