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Dear T.I.P.S. How do I get my parents to say I can get a pet? Thank you. Jessica, from the Internet.

Dear Jessica,

How nice to receive a question about handling parents! We can be a rather difficult species to understand at times. Since our very old dog died last summer and we got a new puppy this fall, your question is rather timely.

First, nix the idea about wearing down your parents with whining or nagging until they give in. They may dig in their heels more. Also, don’t give up rights to your firstborn child or make other promises you won’t keep. You need to think - - and act - - maturely, by understanding and resolving your parents concerns in a way that builds their trust and confidence in your abilities.

Find out why your parents don’t want a pet. Here are some common reasons and ideas you can try:

  • A family member is allergic to pet hair. Solution: Choose a dog breed like a Bichon Frise, which is supposed to be hypo-allergenic, or a pet that doesn’t have hair. It’s hard to play catch with a turtle, but your family’s health must comes first.
  • Pets are expensive. Solution: get an inexpensive pet. Fish cost less than dogs, once you have an aquarium. Suggest doing chores for neighbors or relatives to earn money to help pay for the pet.
  • Things might not work out. Solution: No one can guarantee a perfect pet, but if you learn about different breeds, the pet’s parents or why it’s in a shelter, you can find a good match. Proper training can also correct many pet behavior problems.
  • Parents think they will do most of the work, even if you promise to do it. Solution: you have to be committed to taking over 100% of the pet’s care when you are home.
    •

    If you want more insights, information and practical tools and tips about helping children develop independence and responsibility, then listen to a one-hour recording of a live workshop called, “Serve Up Some Wings So Children Can Leave The Nest.” Click here to order.

    If this last reason is your parents’ main argument, prove yourself worthy:

  • Suggest a "pre-pet" test. Set a timer for feeding, walking and playing times. When you see how often the timer goes off, you’ll know if you want this responsibility. Ask if you can be a "foster parent" for your local pet adoption center, where pets stay with families during the week and return on weekends for adoption. Pet sit for relatives or neighbors or regularly walk and play with neighborhood dogs. You should be older than twelve to do this and your parents should know the neighbor and pets involved.
  • Learn what is involved with feeding, exercising and caring for a pet. Show you are responsible by taking on one daily chore and remembering to do it without being reminded. Agree to join 4-H, where you can learn how to groom and train your pet. It only costs a few dollars and your projects will ensure good pet care.

    • When you have a plan, don’t grill or debate your parents. Instead, write a "persuasion paper." Gather facts, think about their concerns and possible solutions, then write your plan. Your parents will be impressed and think, "She gave herself a writing assignment? What a responsible thing to do! She must really want a pet! After all the time she spent researching this and writing it, I should at least read it and take it seriously."

    Even if you do all this, their answer might be "No and that’s final!" If so, think about doing some of those "pre-pet" activities to get your pet fix.

    As a pet-lover, I wish every child could experience having a pet and every pet lived in a loving, caring home. In reality, each family has to make a personal decision that meets everyone’s needs, including the pet’s. I hope you find a solution that works for your family.

    If you want more insights, information and practical tools and tips about helping children develop independence and responsibility, then listen to a one-hour recording of a live workshop called, “Serve Up Some Wings So Children Can Leave The Nest.” Click here to order.

    Jody Johnston Pawel is a Licensed Social Worker, Certified Family Life Educator, second-generation parent educator, founder of The Family Network, and President of Parents Toolshop Consulting. She is the author of 100+ parent education resources, including her award-winning book, The Parent's Toolshop. For 25+ years, Jody has trained parents and family professionals through her dynamic workshops and interviews with the media worldwide, including Parents and Working Mother magazines, and the Ident-a-Kid television series. Jody currently serves as the online parenting expert for Cox Ohio Publishing’s mom-to-mom websites and also serves on the Advisory Board of the National Effective Parenting Initiative.

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