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A ABC-123-D Steps 57, 79, 428 Abuse; child 118, 121, 338 Abusive relationships 29, 295, 352 Accountability 263 Addictions to praise 91 to rewards 120 ADHD 11, 65, 297-300 diagnosing 297 external rewards 299 medication 300 primary symptoms 298 resources 311 treating 299 types 299 Adults misbehavior 336 PU behavior 296 types of problems 57 Advice 151, 413 giving 177, 413 inaccurate 41, 87 parenting 2 screening 23, 41, 414 Affirmations 105, 424 Aggressive anger 236 communication 259 Agreements 271 conditional 399, 408 confirming 272 Alcohol 340 Allowances 141-143 and chores 142 budgeting 143 credit 142 three-level plan 143 Anger 232 a-b-c steps 234, 259 aggressive 236, 428 assertive 237, 428 constructive 233 cycle 234 defusing others 249 destructive 233 energy 244 expressing 267 flash fires 429 healthy 233 log 253-255 outlets 244 passive 236, 430 passive-aggressive 237 personalized plan 246 physical effects 233 physical outlets 245 resources 256 smoldering embers 431 styles 236 summary 252 teaching children skills 247 trigger buttons 243 types of energy 244 verbal outlets 244 Apologies conditional 267, 428 from children 217, 360 parental 358 Arguing 51, 75, 178, 276, 326, 347 avoiding 327 with parenting partners 412 Ask helpful questions 197 Assertive anger 237 communication 260 expressing anger 267 teaching children skills 147 Attachment; bonding 91 Attention-seeking behavior 322, 324, 342, 343 Autism 297 Autocratic parenting 32 Avoiders 34, 52 B Balanced Parenting 37, 48, 50, 52 Baths 135 Bedtime 69, 129, 132, 274, 291 problems 378 routines 132 Behavior charts 120 and ADHD 299 Behavior goals 342, 343 identifying 321 shifting 327, 328 Behavior modification 119, 428 (Also see “behavior charts”) Beliefs 45, 235, 237 aggressive 236 assertive 237 Avoider 34 backpack analogy 158 Balanced parenting 37 choosing 235 helpful 236 negative 235 Over-controlling 28 Over-indulgence 35 passive 236 passive-aggressive 237 Perfectionistic Supervisor 31 religious 41, 286 rewriting 51, 237 Under-Controlling 33 Bickering 214 Bike safety 307, 347 Biting 72, 218 Blaming 177, 263, 428 Blended families 271, 347 discipline in 360 family councils 388 Body language 182, 265 Boredom 346 Borrowing 270 Bossiness 136, 270 Brain research 91 Brainstorming 200, 276 (also see “Problem solving”) Bribery 117, 428 Bullies 199, 216 C C/P problems 70, 259 Career decisions 155 Car seats, resisting 378 Child abuse 118, 121, 338 Child-friendly 131, 146, 152, 428 Child problems 62, 167, 266 taking over 168 Child Problem Toolbox 58, 62, 166, 225 Child-proofing 157 Choices 122-125, 326 adjusting as issues shift 362 Chores 83, 133, 142, 264, 270, 271, 277 and allowances 142 apprentices 145 goals of not doing 334 motives for not doing 56 young children 157 Cleaning 133, 285, 316, 334 (also see “chores” and “messes”) teaching skills 146 Clear Communication Toolset 58, 258 agreements 271 describe effect of behavior 269 describe feelings 267 describe what you see 266 family councils 395 flash codes 275 nonverbal reminders 273 notes 274 problem solving 275 PU problems 304 quick reminders 273 rules/limits 131, 271 state expectations 270 use one word 274 Clinginess 156, 307 Cliqués 116, 199, 295 Clothing/hair styles 155, 310, 315 appropriate 164 Common problems early elementary 309 infants 307 late elementary 309 preschoolers 309 preteens 310 toddlers 307 Communication 258 aggressive 259, 428 assertive 260, 428 barriers when listening 175 contradictory messages 264 double messages 264 fax analogy 172 hidden messages 261 listening 175 male/female 174, 295 nonverbal 261 passive 260, 430 problem-solving styles 172 shifting gears 273 styles of 259 tools 266 Community service 402 Comparisons 100, 101 Competition 100, 429 sports 102, 365 unhealthy 102, 432 Complaining 187, 235, 396 Compromise 263 Confessions 264 Confidence 105 parental 423 Conflict resolution non-violent options 215 Conquerors 173, 428 Consensus decision-making 397, 428 Consequences inconvenience 429 logical 368 natural 363 Consistency 410, 428 Cooperation Toolset 113 avoid bribery 117 child-friendly 131 choices in limits 122 don’t say “don’t” 125 humor 130 no “no’s” 127 plan ahead 121 politeness 131 PU problems 303 routines 132 rules for setting rules 131 summary 134 tools 117 vs. obedience 114 Counseling 294 and ADHD 300 Criticism 396, 415 constructive 95, 428 of parents 310, 415 responding to 416 setting limits 417 Crying 307 on purpose 334 Curfew 67, 269, 270, 276, 278, 286, 364 discipline for lying 340 Curiosity 307 Cussing 66, 302, 319 D Dangerous behavior 67, 324, 330 Dating 295, 310 Death; explaining 250, 256, 402 Decision-making; consensus 397 Defiant compliance 237, 325, 429 Definitions 428 Defusing anger 249 Demanding one's way 324 Dependency 153 Depression 251 Destructive behavior during timeouts 372 tantrums 74 Development 291 delays 290, 429 elementary 292 infants 291 preschoolers 292 preteens 293 rates 290 resources 291 stages 289 style 289 teens 294 toddlers 291 Disagreements negotiating 263 with partners 43, 412 Disappointment 268 Discipline 39, 56, 353 and ADHD 299 canceling 357 checklist 374 deciding severity 357 four R’S 354 inconvenient consequence 368 in family councils 395 involve children in deciding 358, 364, 365, 370 logical consequences 368 long-term effects 358 making amends 360 natural consequences 363 offering choices 362 reasonable 356, 357 reasons to use last 11, 320, 328, 330, 334, 368 related 356 respectful 358 restrictions 364 revealing 354 revengeful 329, 352, 356, 357, 368 setting time limits 356 summary of 375 taking action 362 time limits 357 time-outs 369 tools 360 trouble-shooting guide 374 vs. punishment 359 wording as a choice 362 Discipline Toolset 59 Discouragement 61, 90, 153, 331 Disrespect; toward parents 99, 126, 147, 267, 310, 315, 330 Distraction 305 Diversity 149 Divorce 106, 271, 336 effects on children 106, 339 family councils 387, 407 PO cycle 336 responding to children's questions 154 stepparents 347, 360 Domestic violence 31, 295, 352 Don’t Say “Don’t” 125, 326 Double standards 429 Driving 67, 155, 272, 310, 364 Drugs 328, 347, 348, 381 addressing suspicions 340 ADHD medication 300 discipline for 381 E Eating habits 89, 117, 164, 309, 422 (also see “Food”) Education (also see “School”) parent, self 424 Ego-esteem 87, 429 Elementary issues common problems 75, 309 development 292 early 292, 309 independence 157 late 293, 309 Embarrassment parents' 268 sparing children's 264, 266, 273, 275 Emotions using for PO goals 334 Encouragement 87, 323 parent;self 105 self-affirmations 105, 424 when teaching skills 146 Environmental engineering 305 Exaggerations 267 Expectations differences in 140 realistic for self 15, 423 stating 270 External problem solvers 173, 429 External recharge 429 children 370 activities 242 Extracurricular activities 64, 72, 293, 365 misbehavior during 365 F Failure 104, 151 (see “Mistakes”) reminding of past 264 Fairness 89 Family Councils 386 agenda options 390, 391 appropriate topics 395 benefits 387 blended families 360, 388 discussing discipline 395 discussion topic ideas 403 duration 394 early elementary 293 emergency meetings 50, 392 expressing concerns 396 formal format 390 foster parents 388 getting started 393 ground rules 395, 396 ice-breaker activities 403 informal format 391 late elementary 294 lesson ideas 401 listening to concerns 396 maintenance meetings 393 making decisions 397 pitfalls to avoid 396 preteens 294 problem-solving steps 397 purpose of 386 resources 390, 401 roles 388 sample agenda 404 scheduling 394 setting 394 summary sheet 405 teens 295 time limits 394 trouble-shooting guide 399 voting 392 young children 292, 393 Family therapy 300 Fashion fads 307, 310 (also see “Clothing”) Favoritism 89, 100 F-A-X communication 172 F-A-X Listening 179 brainstorming 200 family councils 396 formula 185 giving information 199 identifying feelings 181 questions 197, 198 tools 181, 183, 303 trouble-shooting guide 223 when to take next step 202 X-amine possible solutions 200 Fears 193, 206, 226 Feelings 181 alternatives to "angry" 267 cartoon 183 denying 177 expressing 267 identifying 181 peeling onions 170 secondary emotions 182, 234, 267, 431 Fighting 216, 306, 315, 365 defense moves 217 making amends 360 Flash codes 275 Food allergies 65, 311 bribes 117 complaints 89, 235 eating disorders 117 picky eaters 131, 164, 309, 379 Forgetfulness 126, 334, 364 Forgiveness 140, 246 Foster parents 43 and family councils 388 Foundation-Building Toolset 21, 48, 49 Avoiders 34 Balanced parenting 37-44 believe it, see it 45 double standards 46 Over-controlling 28 Over-Indulgers 35 parenting styles 28-44 Perfectionistic Supervisor 31 Power Patrol 29 PU problems 302 role model 47 summary sheet 49 tools 44 Under-controlling 33 Friends (also see “Peers/Friends”) parents as 262 Fussiness 307 G Gangs 116, 218, 222 Giving up 326, 331, 342, 343 Goals family 23 individual 23 setting realistic 155, 423 societal 24 God, (also see “Spiritual references”) Gossip 295 Grabbing 308 Grades 268 (also see “School,” “Homework”) Grandparents 43 spoiling children 422 Guilt 264, 268, 429 self- 423 unhealthy 264, 432 H Habits; resistance to change 14, 247 Healthy family traits 23 Healthy paranoia 429 Hidden messages 261 Historical trends autocratic 32 balanced parenting 41 permissiveness 36 Homework 61, 73, 83, 219, 293, 294, 335 completing 135 forgetting 364 time management 219 Honesty 338 (also see “Lying”) Hormones 294, 310 House diagram 1, 409 detailed 436 Human Bill of Rights 261 Humor 130, 268, 273, 326 Hyperactivity 298 I Identifying problems 59-60, 77 Child vs. Parent 62 individual answers 59, 78 misjudging 75 PO goals 342 problem shifts 75 PU vs. PO 65, 289, 319 questions 60 SHARP RV 60, 62 summary 60 Ignoring behavior 304, 324 Illustrations anger cycle 234 backpack analogy 158 balanced independence 138 balancing scale (3 styles) 25 belief>feeling>action 44 C/P pie charts 72 council role rotation 389 dominoes of anger cycle 234 fax communication 172 feeling words cartoon 183 growth in waves 423 Positive goals 323 Power struggles 123 problem-solving steps 172 with F-A-X 181 problems are like onions 55 toolbox>toolsets>tools 8 volcano, stress overload 239 volcano, trigger button 243 when to ask questions 197 Imagination; toddlers 292 Impulsiveness 298 Inconsistent parenting styles 43, 412 Independence 138 answering questions 154 ask their opinion 153 Balanced limits 139 definition 138 elementary age 157 handling mistakes 151 infants 157 let go 157 let them dream 155 notice the difficulty 153 nudge, don’t push 156 openly model behavior 144 Over-controlling 139 preschoolers 157 privacy 155, 198, 214, 337 quick tips 150 responsibility 139, 151 teaching skills 144 teens 158, 295 toddlers 157, 292 tools 144 Under-controlling 139 using outside resources 154 Independence Toolset PU problems 303 Individuation 67, 158, 293, 294, 429 backpack analogy 158 safe options 68, 307 Infants 75, 291 and discipline 368 common problems 307 developmental issues 291 independence 157 In-laws 43 pressure/criticism from 412, 416 Internal motivation 323 Internal problem solver 173, 430 Internal recharge 430 activities 241 children 370 Interrupting 272, 322, 325 Intuition 423 J Jobs 136, 156, 194, 295 Judging 96, 177 Junior high 294, 310 Juvenile delinquency 30 K Keep Your Cool Toolset 58, 232, 252 (also see “Anger”) Kidnapping 118 (also see “Child abuse”) L Labeling 98, 178 Latch-key children 35, 369 Lateness 156, 264, 270, 278, 364, 381 Laundry 132, 271, 274 Learning disabilities 297 Learning styles 289, 300, 428, 430 developmental pace 290 eight intelligences 300 resources 311 see/hear/do 125, 144, 300 whole/part 55 Lectures 269, 270, 273, 279, 396 Let go 157 poem 160 Limits 122, 428 (also see “Rules,” “Choices,” “Clear Communi-cation Toolset”) Listening 179, 273 (also see “F-A-X Listening”) responding to nonverbal messages 182 response formula 185 responses 183 trouble-shooting guide 189 Logical consequences 368 Lying 99, 337-339 developmental stages 338 |
