If you like this article, check out the related resources listed below.

Responding to Children's Negative Emotions

When you have a problem, what do you want? Do you want a quick solution? Do you like to be left alone to figure it out for yourself? Do you like to talk it over with someone? If you do talk about it, do you want advice? lectures? analyzing? probing questions? to be told you shouldn't feel or do something?

When children have negative feelings they are, in nearly every way, just like adults in terms of what they want and need. They just have less experience at putting their feelings into perspective and expressing them appropriately. Here are some suggestions for helping children learn to process negative feelings in a way that the children will learn how to resolve these feelings for themselves in the future:

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT

Try to keep two things in mind:

TOOLS TO USE with children (or adults!)

It is not the parent's job figure the problem out and solve it for children. A parent's job is to help children sort through their feelings so they can figure out a solution to their own problem!

Finally, remember that accepting feelings is different from allowing hurtful behavior or acting out those emotions. Tell children "It is okay to feel (feeling name), but it is not okay to (unacceptable behavior). Then brainstorm options for what the child can do if the situation happens again.

When children feel better, they act better. And when we accept our children's feelings, they will feel more accepting of our limits, their own feelings, and will learn how to respect and listen to others.

Many times, these tools are all that is needed to help a child move on beyond negative feelings. Other times, an actual solution is needed. Next month I'll explain a four-star problem-solving tool that you can use in a variety of ways.

Jody Johnston Pawel is a Licensed Social Worker, Certified Family Life Educator, second-generation parent educator, founder of The Family Network, and President of Parents Toolshop Consulting. She is the author of 100+ parent education resources, including her award-winning book, The Parent's Toolshop. For 25+ years, Jody has trained parents and family professionals through her dynamic workshops and interviews with the media worldwide, including Parents and Working Mother magazines, and the Ident-a-Kid television series. Jody currently serves as the online parenting expert for Cox Ohio Publishing’s mom-to-mom websites and also serves on the Advisory Board of the National Effective Parenting Initiative.

Reprint Guidelines: You may publish/reprint any article from our site for non-commercial purposes in your ezine, website, blog, forum, RSS feed or print publication, as long as it is the entire un-edited article and title and includes the article’s source credit, including the author’s bio and active links as they appear with the article. We also appreciate a quick note/e-mail telling us where you are reprinting the article. To request permission from the author to publish this article in print or for commercial purposes, please complete and send us a Permission to Reprint Form.